Do you love Paris, but think Parisians are rude? Have you ever wanted to act like a real Parisian while taking the metro, hailing a cab, sitting at a restaurant, shopping or going to a night club in Paris? If so, then continue reading. However, if you feel that your arrogance, conservative fashion sense and overall superiority can get you through… This blog is not for you… You are my guru.
Olivier Giraud, is one of the hardest working men in Paris. He is in his fifth year producing and acting in his one-man theatrical comedy: How to Become Parisian in One Hour. In this one hour stand-up show (delivered in English), Giraud gives the audience tips on how to survive and respond effectively to the neglectful French servers, shop girls and taxi drivers.
Here are a few of his tips to survive in Paris:
Men: staples are black pants and a black shirt.
Women: staples are black pants and a black shirt.
If you want to break out; accessorize with grey.
If it is cold, wear a scarf.
If it is hot, wear a scarf.
Waiters do not answer to garçon.
Allow a 10 minute waiting period before trying to get your waiter’s attention… Otherwise, you will wait 20 minutes longer.
Do not eat anywhere that advertises “Carte tourisme”, or “We speak English!”
Tips are included in the bill.
Smoke blown on you from all directions is included in the experience.
When you enter a store and the shopgirl speaks to you, simply say: “Non, je regarder!”
Zara and H&M on Rivoli are not recommended for the faint of heart.
Never give up your seat. You have earned it.
Unless you are rich, be prepared to cook your dinner in a closet while sitting on your bed and washing your hands in your bathroom sink.
And, good luck with the stairs.
Women- this is your opportunity to drink for free. Just enter the club with your supermodel walk, fix your gaze straight forward, wiggle your hips, look over at all the men staring at you, make eye-contact with one of them and smile. There it is.
Warning: dancing like Britney will only cause you public ridicule.
You are the best! Everyone else is just jealous.
Et voila! You are on your way to becoming a Parisian. But, for a more comprehensive experience, I suggest you see the show!